Wednesday, November 20th
My heart aches with longing,
Wanting so badly to connect.
For many of us, feelings of shame, low self-esteem, and fears of intimacy fueled our compulsive sexual behaviors. We may have shied away from friendships or relationships altogether because we feared letting people get to know our true selves. We judged ourselves harshly and may have assumed that others also believed us to be deeply flawed.
Sex seemed to provide a short reprieve from those feelings by allowing us to feel powerful. Yet we seldom held on to that power and self-esteem, slipping back into feelings of emptiness and isolation.
When we seek sobriety, we may find that recovery is more than just stopping our compulsive behaviors. Listening to others share at meetings can give us insight. So does working the Steps and developing trust in a Higher Power as we define it. Sharing our stories honestly can help us let go of negative self-judgment.
Through trust and acceptance, we may find that our interactions with people begin to rely on openness instead of isolation and concealment. We respond with a willingness to do service and pass on what we have freely received to others. By doing so, we can strengthen the bonds of friendship and community in this fellowship.
I have found healing and community in my recovery.