Tuesday, December 3rd
My sex life is private, and it soothes my misery.
Many of us felt shame about our sexual compulsion and tried to conceal our activities from others to avoid the humiliation of being exposed. This sense of shame and low self-esteem often made us defensive and purposely vague in conversations about our lives. We often judged our compulsive behaviors harshly and did not want to be judged by others.
Sometimes, our shame developed into a sense of entitlement, and we might have felt offended by someone commenting on our activities, regardless of their motives. The closer the bond with that person, the more we resented their scrutiny.
Building a wall around our secrets enabled us to live in denial, fueling further resentment. We may have thought we were being treated unfairly, so we devised excuses or blamed others for our shortcomings and behaviors. This sense of victimhood often increased our compulsion and blocked us from wanting to change.
In recovery, we learn how honesty, openness, and willingness can free us from denial, secrecy, and self-pity. By shedding our defensive armor and the urge to claim victimhood, we may find it easier to love ourselves and relate to others.
As I work my recovery, I no longer see myself as a victim.