Wednesday, November 27th
I self-medicated my anxieties through compulsive sex whenever possible, steadily increasing the dose.
Many of us used compulsive sex to escape negative feelings and anxieties, including fear, low self-esteem, and shame. Our acting-out behaviors seemed to provide short-term relief from our troubles. However, we would inevitably come down from the high of compulsive sex to find that those conditions were still there, often more powerful and unmanageable than before.
“I had become a poster child for the second Characteristic. [Compulsive sex became a drug, which we used to escape from feelings such as anxiety, loneliness, anger and self-hatred, as well as joy.] My acting out had become a drug, and I could never get enough.”
We may struggle to control our behaviors in order to find some sort of sobriety. Yet, our persistent anxieties remain, constantly tempting us to escape through compulsive sex.
In recovery, we find support from our Higher Power and fellow program members. As we listen to others share and begin to use the Steps and Tools, we may become able to let go of our need for control. Taking these actions can initially seem counter-intuitive, but we have already suffered the pain of holding on.
In letting go of self-will, we may experience changes in our behaviors and outlook. As we heal, we gain self-esteem and begin to replace negative feelings and self-destructive behaviors with positive, affirming ones.
As my anxieties fade, my life grows.