Thursday, November 7th

I hated myself for following someone on the street. I could not stop staring.

In our compulsion, some of us were triggered by the possibility of having casual sex. If we saw an attractive person, we may have become distracted by excitement and anticipation. We might have followed them, even trying to connect with them. If the other person ignored or rejected us, we felt hurt but may have soothed ourselves by immediately looking elsewhere.

Some of us can feel swept up by such encounters and look for ways to recapture that moment or feeling. Our lives may suddenly feel chaotic and unmanageable as we experience fantasy and obsession. Seeing someone new, we may experience euphoric recall over past sexual experiences or fantasies.

Think through the drink is an AA slogan we can adapt and apply in these moments. When triggered, we can recall previous incidents and outcomes to help “right-size” such distractions. By calling on our Higher Power and perhaps by repeating the Serenity Prayer, we can accept that sex is not an emergency. We might use the three-second rule, where we allow ourselves a few seconds to look at someone, then move on, not waiting to be consumed by a need for connection and validation.

In recovery, our lives become more than the compelling need for our next sexual encounter, fix of validation, or distraction of a new obsession.

Wednesday, November 6th

The slogan “Let go and let God” disturbed me. It sounded cultish.

The concept of letting go is about trust. If we accept that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity, we can believe and trust that such a power will help accomplish this restoration. At first, trusting something we have struggled to define may seem counterintuitive. We might conclude that this notion feels like magical thinking: a mindset that distracted many of us in our compulsive state.

Six words that summarize the first three Steps may help us establish this trust: I can’t, they can, let them. By trusting that “they,” the Higher Power of our understanding, cares for us, we may gain confidence and start taking actions to change our lives. By modifying our behaviors and choosing the next right action, we may experience serenity in our new way of living.

Relying on our Higher Power and our group of fellow sexual compulsives, we experience enough spiritual growth to let go of trying to control our lives. We may feel relief and a sense of lightness, becoming stronger advocates for ourselves and developing compassion for others.

My Higher Power has shown me, one day at a time, that I can live without these compulsive behaviors.