November 21st Meditation: Holidays and Isolation

Thursday, November 21st

I often feel lonely and unloved. It feels worse during the holidays.

Many of us fueled our sexual compulsion through self-isolation. By cutting ourselves off from others, we felt free to act out through compulsive sex and fantasy. But choosing to self-isolate added to our feelings of shame and low self-worth. Our desire for concealment often led to loneliness and self-pity.

In recovery, we work to break down that wall of isolation. We hear others share their experience, strength, and hope at meetings. We make friends with other recovering sexual compulsives through doing service, going to fellowship, or attending events. Our self-isolation fades as we make real connections with people.

Yet, there are times when the dynamic changes. Holiday times can feel different. Somewhere, people are enjoying themselves among family and friends. We might be “pressing our noses against the window,” feeling excluded, even if we choose to stay away.

We can self-sabotage our recovery by turning isolation into resentment. Sadness and self-pity during holiday seasons might trigger us, risking our sobriety.

When we recognize this pattern, we can be proactive. We can stick close to the program by attending meetings, doing service, and calling other members to stay in touch.

Holidays, too, will pass, but we always have the gift of this fellowship. 

November 20th Meditation: Seeking Validation and Connection

Wednesday, November 20th

My heart aches with longing,
Wanting so badly to connect.

For many of us, feelings of shame, low self-esteem, and fears of intimacy fueled our compulsive sexual behaviors. We may have shied away from friendships or relationships altogether because we feared letting people get to know our true selves. We judged ourselves harshly and may have assumed that others also believed us to be deeply flawed.

Sex seemed to provide a short reprieve from those feelings by allowing us to feel powerful. Yet we seldom held on to that power and self-esteem, slipping back into feelings of emptiness and isolation.

When we seek sobriety, we may find that recovery is more than just stopping our compulsive behaviors. Listening to others share at meetings can give us insight. So does working the Steps and developing trust in a Higher Power as we define it. Sharing our stories honestly can help us let go of negative self-judgment.

Through trust and acceptance, we may find that our interactions with people begin to rely on openness instead of isolation and concealment. We respond with a willingness to do service and pass on what we have freely received to others. By doing so, we can strengthen the bonds of friendship and community in this fellowship.

I have found healing and community in my recovery.