Friday, October 18th
My compulsive search for sex was driven by resentment — feeling victimized and cheated by life.
Many of us entered recovery carrying burdens of resentment, shame, and low self-esteem. We used compulsive sex to numb ourselves to the pain from such feelings, which often focused on self-pity. We may have secretly felt we had little or no value. This low self-esteem often led us to use denial and blame as defensive weapons.
Whenever we encountered an obstacle, lost a job or relationship, caught an STD, or maxed out our credit cards, we found a way to blame others. It isn’t my fault; my boss/partner/bank manager caused this. Living in denial lets us believe that our lives are under control but that events are somehow conspiring against us.
By working the Steps and using the Tools of Recovery, we may begin to see ourselves more clearly. We identify things that drag us down, including character defects. We can “keep our side of the street clean” and learn to be honest, accepting, and open with others. We begin to restore the relationship with ourselves through our Higher Power and then our relationships with other people.
We become willing to accept responsibility for our actions and to stop seeing ourselves as victims.