Thursday, July 18th
I kept reliving my childhood emotional and sexual abuse. Even today, I blush with shame and rage when I think of it.
Many of us had feelings of anger and shame, which we directed at ourselves or others. These sentiments could be so strong as to sometimes overwhelm us. When we turned these feelings inward, they may have become self-hatred. We might have searched for numbness and a way to escape such traumas by compulsively acting out through sex.
Perhaps these feelings stemmed from what we suffered within our family of origin. We may have tried to repress our sense of betrayal, rage, or shame, along with fears of vulnerability. By “checking out,” we temporarily became oblivious to our thoughts, feelings, and surroundings.
We may have realized that if we continued to avoid such feelings by compulsively acting out, we might never attain the connection, love, and acceptance we so desperately wanted.
As we recover, many of us are frightened by the notion of forgiveness. Allowing our Higher Power to be part of the process can change our awareness and attitude. As we work the Steps, we may experience those spiritual changes that allow us to move forward.
By moving forward, we can let go of the hope of a better childhood and can embrace living fully in the present.
Our willingness to forgive can help free us from some of the burdens of past baggage.