Sunday, September 1st
I felt embarrassed whenever I thought about the actions I took or the things I said, so I tried not to think about them.
In our compulsion, many of us went to great lengths to repress our negative feelings and intrusive thoughts. Often, we tried not to notice or think about such feelings or emotions — things we subconsciously knew we couldn’t bear to confront. Avoiding them may have driven us further into self-isolation, using compulsive sex to escape them.
In recovery, we acknowledge these feelings and their effect on our lives. We find room for spiritual growth, which gives us the freedom and courage to change our behaviors.
Fears, anxieties, feelings of low self-esteem, past shame, or traumas can often reappear. An event may trigger them — a flashback, seeing a former acting out partner, interpersonal conflict — the possibilities are endless. We may instinctively try to control their reappearance, the way we might lock the front door at bedtime. But many of us can recall how we tried to repress those feelings through sexual acting out.
Rather than repress them, we can permit ourselves to experience these feelings fully, knowing that we have the tools to recognize and “right-size” them in our recovery journey. Regularly checking in with our feelings may help us accept our reality.
Each time I choose to sit with a feeling, instead of avoiding it, I get stronger.