Saturday, August 31st
I compartmentalized my sexual activities. I was so good at hiding the compulsive behavior that I even fooled myself.
Many of us felt an intense need to hide our sexually compulsive behaviors from others. We believed that if other people saw us as we were, they would judge us as defective and unworthy of love and respect. This belief created a conflict: we had shame about our sexual activities but felt compelled to repeat them.
“I believed my actions were isolated and hidden, but I still felt intense shame and despair every time I acted out in secret.”
We tried to protect ourselves from the painful reality we had created through concealment but often discovered that the more secrets we held, the more shame we felt.
In recovery, we hear about denial and surrender. By sharing our stories at meetings, we can break the bubble of denial by admitting our powerlessness and unmanageability to a group that will not judge or shame us. Compulsion thrives in secrecy. We take positive action by surrendering.
By working the Steps and using other Tools of Recovery, we may experience spiritual growth that enables us to change our behaviors. We know we are making progress when we practice honesty, openness, and willingness.
Shattering the wall of secrecy and isolation can transform us.
[note: Today is the 1,000th consecutive day of posting the SCA Daily Meditation on this site. Tomorrow: 1,001]