FOOD FOR THOUGHT
by Richard K., SCA-San Luis Obispo, CA
We have choices
One of the most precious gifts available to us from our
Higher Power is choice. The knowledge that there are always
choices in everything we do slipped away from us somewhere in
the past for whatever reasons, to be slowly, and stealthily,
replaced by addictions and compulsions — one-way tracks which
became a circle of shame and guilt and despair and further fuel
for our dis-ease; one-way tracks to death.
Somewhere along the line, we bottomed out and realized,
with the sometimes subtle, sometimes not so subtle, prodding of
our Higher Power — whether we recognized it or not — that we
did indeed have choices. Well, at least one or two, now and
then. We could go to a meeting or stay at home and prime
ourselves to act out the with aid of a little pornography or
even a hot underwear ad in the newspaper, or a pair of
binoculars, or a piece of used clothing or other ways not
appropriate to mention here. Now and then we took the choice of
going to meetings — and started growing.
We found there were a few more choices: picking up the
phone and making a Program call — a call for help or to give
support to someone having a hard time or just to see if someone
was there — or dialing a 976 number. More and more we made
those Program calls.
We found there were streets to drive and places to visit
other than the one or two which added fuel to our compulsions,
and more and more we chose those which were healthy for us.
We found there was a lot of reading material around which
entertained us, or gave us more insight as to our problems, or
helped us get a feeling for spirituality; and we chose those
more and more rather than the sex books and titillating ads.
We found more in people than just hot buns or gorgeous legs
or great, but short-lived romance or sex; we found compassion,
support, love, trust — TRUST! And, more frequently, we found
ourselves choosing those who were healthier for us.
As we progressed in the Program and in our growth and in
our spirituality, we found that life was nothing but choices,
and the choices were totally up to us, in concert with our Higher
Power; that for every choice we made there was a consequence,
and we were totally responsible for that consequence — “good”
or “bad.” More and more we learned that as we surrendered and
let go to our Higher Power, healthy choices became more apparent
to us; the voice inside became stronger and stronger; our
choices for ourselves became healthier and built and
strengthened our self-esteem rather than tear it down and grind
it into the crap of the gutter, as they had in the past. We
started taking loving care of ourselves and began to be able to
look in the mirror in the morning and see beauty and love
instead of ugliness and shame. We started showing others just
how many choices there were and how making the right choices for
ourselves became easier with the love and guidance of our Higher
We started living. We chose to see that no matter how dark
and hurtful the past had been, we could now live and breathe in
the light of love and health. What other choice could there be?
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous International Service Organization
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