I attended my first SCA meeting in 1999. It was not long before recovery became a powerful part of my life. The first time I identified myself as a sex addict, I felt a sense of relief. I finally had a definition of what was going on with me. At first I was reluctant to share with friends and my family members that I was a sex addict.

My Sex Addiction had been the primary way to mask my feeling of low self-esteem and self-hatred. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I was a sex addict. I thought, why wasn’t I alcoholic? This would be much easier to disclose! I am not suggesting recovery from alcoholism is in any way easy, I know this is a serious disease that can kill. It is just more common and understood in our society.

I went about disclosing my sex addiction by telling friends that I was not feeling good about myself. I explained that I had difficulty with my self-esteem and experiencing intimacy. Feelings of pain, sadness and loneliness always seemed to manifest with the ending of many short-lived sexual relationships. It started with quick, easy sex, usually initiated at places that I felt ashamed to be in. This, along with my unhealthy choices for dating relationships, caused me to seek my path in recovery.

The friends I confided in were supportive as were the family members I told. I did not tell anyone or everyone. This was my first step in making healthy choices. I confided in people I felt that I could trust to support me. I made some mistakes in my choices and allowed myself to be imperfect.

The other learning experience important to me was learning not to be judgmental of myself or people who were not in 12-step recovery. When I started in recovery, regretfully I let go of some relationships that were meaningful.

Today, I strive for balance with relationships in and out of the rooms.