May 15th Meditation: Fantasy and numbness

Sunday, May 15th

The characteristics spoke of fantasy and masturbation issues and the need to seek oblivion. I related to those.

Many of us used compulsive masturbation, casual sex, anonymous sex, and other activities to avoid feelings. These behaviors provided the means to escape from reality into a fantasy world. We often remember times in our past when sex and fantasy brought us excitement. Some experienced euphoric recall of past sexual exploits.

We may have found ourselves in a deepening downward spiral of compulsivity and illusion. Sex and fantasy were our anesthetics, numbing our pain and sheltering us from the realities we didn’t want to face. The worst realization was that our increased sexual acting out no longer stopped our pain but instead added more pain. We needed to find a new source of spiritual energy to rejuvenate our lives.

Working and practicing the Steps and the tools helps us manage our compulsive behavior, leading us towards a more sober life. Gradually, our lives improve as we continue to embrace recovery as a new way of living. We learn to separate fantasy from reality in life and intimate relationships. We develop healthy boundaries with others. We remember to be gentle and kind to ourselves and learn how to live among our fellows.

I have accepted reality, which is much more fulfilling than fantasy.


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