I could always tell when someone wasn’t respecting me.
Many of us tried to hide our activities from others in our compulsive state, seeking to avoid the humiliation of being exposed. Our need for secrecy and concealment invariably led to self-isolation, sometimes to the point where we hid from ourselves.
This denial also fed its way into resentments. Our sense of low self-esteem would hurt even more if we felt disrespected. We might carry this resentment through our interactions with other people. As our compulsion deepened, some of us acted out our resentments and sense of victimhood through anger, sometimes by lashing out at others. We might tie our anger to a growing sense of entitlement: we had been through so much that we deserved “special” consideration.
In recovery, we may find relief from re-living past wounds and traumas as we work the Steps and begin having compassion for ourselves and others. We learn to build new coping skills instead of falling back into the ways of our compulsion.
I’m no longer a victim; I’m working my recovery daily.